Some friends and I packed up our cars with surfboards and beer and headed down to Baja Mexico in an attempt to catch one of the last big winter swells. We had picked the perfect time; most people are in their 9 –5 grind and Spring break had not started yet, which meant plenty of elbowroom for us (we were our own party, so no need for crowds).

I always state my intentions before leaving on a trip so here they are.
1. Safety first - the driver doesn’t get to drink but everyone else does. (limo style)
2. Have fun
3. Get laid
4. Have kinky sex
5. Public nudity
6. Public sex
7. Don’t forget the empty bottles for refunds before you go to get more beer.

We had a sweet 3 bedroom, 2 level Bungalow on the beach waiting for us when we arrived around 5 PM.

We unloaded the vehicles and staked out the lay of the land, who got what room etc…

Mine had a balcony with a roof ledge that we could perch on. And a hard Mexican-style bed I was about to break in.

My man Eric was standing out on the ledge taking in the view as I was sliding in behind him. With my hot breath on his neck I whispered in to his ear “I am going to get your cock so hard with my mouth and when I’m ready I want you to slide it inside me.”

I slid in front of him and ripped open his fly and let spit drip from my mouth down his cock. I let my hand catch the wetness to stroke him while my tongue was lapping at his head, then let his cock slide down into the back of my throat, almost chocking on him it was so deep. I started to undress myself while still working him with my mouth. My fingers slid between my legs and I started to tease myself in waiting for the chance to ride him. My juices were flowing and it was my turn to take a ride. Standing up and turning around I slowly slid my pussy onto his cock; he crabbed my ass checks and started moving me up and down slowly so I could feel every inch of him inside me --
Then, my friends just couldn’t wait; they had to knock on the door. “Sydnee, come on we need food.”

Not being in the mood for friends to join in -- well let’s just say these friends are more like family -- I managed to squeak out a breathy “BUSY!” I could have stayed in this session for hours. I slid off of him and dropped to my knees to clean his cock up when he gave me “the I’m not finished nod.” He picked me up and tossed me onto the bed. He started fucking me hard while rubbing my clit, and it never takes me long to cum when he does this. And cum I did! Then he slid up to my chest and shot his yummy load down my throat. With a quick baby wipe bath we were dressed and ready to hit the town.

We had a short walk from where we were staying in Lobster Village to the main strip. In my opinion, Mexico can still appear a bit primitive compared to the U.S. They don’t have many streetlights or really any signs. This being the case, fate led me to the next interesting event. We were walking along and all of a sudden I was 3 feet shorter! Everyone stopped and looked down at me in the unmarked trench I had fallen in. Keeping my cool as always, I looked up at everyone they grabbed my hands and lifted me out. All I could do was smile and say I was okay. I could tell this was going to be a fun night. No really this was a sign that
IT WAS ON BABY!

None of us could decide where to eat. In Mexico it’s not just the menu you are looking for, you want to make sure that the food won’t take revenge on you the next day. So we stopped in for tequila shots. This seemed safe and maybe it would help us decide where to eat.

Body shots all around YUM YUM…

We did end up finding some food; I played it safe and dipped flour tortillas in guacamole and salsa. No street burritos for me, I am sure some of you are saying “gee, Sydnee will take a load down her throat and swallow it, but is picky about food in Mexico!” Well…Damn straight!

Being in Mexico, it only seemed right to find a disco that played old 90’s music and get it on! “We were stroking, stroking to the East, stroking to the West, Stroking to the girl I love the best.” Sound familiar? There are the times when a video camera isn’t necessary.

Somehow we made it back to our pad and snuggled in for some good loving and sweet dreams of awesome waves in the morning.

Upon awaking the next day, our dreams had been crushed upon the rocks that lay in front of us. Choppy, close outs, definitely not worth suiting up and freezing my titties off in 59-degree water. So we headed into town to do some shopping. Played the “too high” game with the merchants for stuff we didn’t need.
We were stopping in different public spots to snap quick titty flashing and basically public nudity for my web site. This is always fun especially since you can stand right next to someone and they haven’t a clue as to what you are doing. Except for one shop owner, She happened to catch us just as my skirt flipped up and my non-pantied booty was staring her in the face. Luckily I don’t speak Spanish so I was not offended at what ever she was saying to me. Bad news is we lost the Disposable camera we took all the pics on.

Then back to the Bungalow for a game of spades. The stakes always get high on this game. We played to 500, which I think took us almost 3 hours. Every hand you loose you do a shot. So really no one can really lose.

Soon, the darkness of the evening was upon us and the guys were itching to pull out the fireworks they had just picked up. Here’s how the game works, lights out in the Bungalow so we can watch from the room. We were at a resort and security gets pissed off when people light fireworks off on their grounds, but in reality this makes it more fun for us it adds a bit more adrenaline.

Eric and Bobby strapped lighters on their belts, loaded their pockets with ammo and headed into the darkness of the night.

My eyes straining to see them in the ocean of black, I heard one firework, then another in a different area. This went on for a while, and with every few glances I would think I could see one of the guys.

Soon Bobby came in, first finger in front of his mouth. SHHH. Security was coming. Knock Knock. Of course they pushed me to open the door and face the dreaded hotel security. That was easy, but then we went back to the windows to find Eric, as he’d let a firework off while security was talking to us. This is what got me off the hook with security. But then we saw the horror -- Eric climbing out of a bush, hands in the air, due to the gun security was holding on him. They had him emptying his pockets. We started to cry, all our beautiful fireworks gone! Shit, they had Eric on his knees with his head down. What were they going to shoot him for? Fireworks? We got the video camera out with the night vision and started taping the whole thing. Turned out to be very uneventful. They just took the fireworks. When he got back, we all looked at each other and laughed so hard we almost peed out pants.

When Eric opened the door, I grabbed him and pushed him against the wall, sliding my hand in his shorts, stroking and touching him. Then I found what I was looking for -- the super gold streaking fireworks display pods. I was so happy and excited I looked him in the eyes slid my tongue up his shaft and then deep throated him with gratitude and not giving it all up to a dude who pulled a gun on him. Good night!

The late morning sun was shining in on our bed; I rolled over and realized my hangover was a bit worse than I thought. Eric had the same problem, as to not suffer the pain any longer we started having sex -- the movement and energy it takes seems to take the edge off a hangover. Well, at least until you stop fucking. But at least it’s a little relief and fun!

We then realized there was only one way to fix our dizzy heads -- a heavy, greasy Mexican breakfast. We walked back to our safe restaurant and ordered our food. And then Eric had to do it -- he ordered a breakfast cervesa. This made my mind wander…”if I didn’t have one too, I would be suffering from a hangover and he would be having fun on our last afternoon in Mexico.” I succumbed to my own peer pressure and said two please.

Those magic words lead me to one of my favorite days ever. We bounced from bar to bar, and most had great rooftops with ocean views. The day was coming to dusk, we left our room around 9:30am and it was now close to 5pm. I saw that down below on the street corner was a shop that had great blankets.

Wanting one but too lazy to go and get it, we tipped our waiter to go down and get it and do the bargaining, he was back in a flash and helped us acquire it for 10 US dollars.

Soon we were the only ones on the roof. I was wrapped up in the blanket watching the sunset.

Eric was not watching the sunset -- instead he leaned over to whisper in my ear. Wink Wink! I went to instant wet. We wrapped the blanket around us and he slid my panties to the side, and slipped his hard cock inside me. UMMMMMMM! I began to move slowly back and forth. This was nice. With a little caution, I looked to see if any one was around, but I really wanted to just give in and didn’t care if we were caught. This went on for about 15 minutes, so beautiful and simple, having sex in the middle of the day on a restaurant rooftop in Mexico while the restaurant was open. The sun fell below the ocean and we were on our way to blast off.

Orgasms completed, I swear to you that not a minute later our waiter appeared! You may think “how dumb can you be he must have been watching.” No, I don’t think so. But, whatever -- this is your story now you can make whatever ending you want!

With big smiles on our faces we opened the door to our bungalow and would
have sworn we were looking at an enemy army. Our buddies were so pissed off; they hadn’t heard from us all day and they said they’d planned to leave around noon. Luckily we had a buzz so we thought they were funny for yelling at us. Our laughing didn’t help cool tempers. So we jumped in our vehicles and started the trek back. We were riding with Bobby and Bobby didn’t talk to us hardly at all. Bobby was pissed. Eric couldn’t keep his eyes open and Bobby wanted a break. So it was my turn to drive. Sober by now and ready to get home I took the wheel, we went about 3.5 miles and Bobby’s car broke down. This was not good. We called a cab and left Pissed off Bobby, who was waiting for his towing service. We made it home and I looked at Eric and said, “Hey, we didn’t tip the guy for the blanket!” Okay, the ending is a bit weak, but this is based on a true story -- what more do you want?

Keep playing! And make your own fun stories in Hedonism III with me and Devinn Lane this December. See my web site for more information.

Love, Sydnee

PS. Drink responsibly and please don’t drink and drive. Unless you’re driving a homerun into your girlfriend…

Tantra (a Sanskrit word which means "woven together") is a term loosely applied to several divergent and even contradictory schools of Hindu yoga in which the sexual union of male and female is worshipped either in principle or in human practice. It has also come to be applied to sex-based religious practices developed in other religions, including Bon, Tibetan Buddhism, Taoism, Christianity, Judaism, and Transcendentalism.

Tantra still has a specific meaning in terms of Eastern belief systems. But now, mainly in the Western world it is commonly used to refer to a variety of different approaches to sexuality in a spiritual way.

I bet if most western people were asked to define Tantric Sex they would fumble with the actual Sanskrit definition and use the second idea as a way of connecting with another in a way that one feels their body is in a constant high state of stimuli.

Aren’t we all looking to grow more and more, and reach higher levels of pleasure hopefully in all areas of our life? Obviously, I am referring to sexuality here. When I chat with fans on my web site and speak with good friends outside of the adult industry I hear that they aren’t very satisfied, and don’t want to take the time to make sex exciting. In case you were wondering, I am referring to both sexes.

This thought process makes me wonder why someone would work so hard at their job, and making money, if sex and love were not a top priority in their life. What is the cause of people being too tired and busy, to get busy? My point is next time, would you rather watch a rerun of I Love Lucy than get with your mate? Stop and think about the first days you were with your mate. How most of us would drop to our knees and suck his cock or lick her box with out premeditating how much energy or how long it was going to take to get this done. Is sex not one of the most talked about things in terms of high TV ratings, and one of the most sought after things in the world?

Okay, you ask, so how can you be less lazy and more like you were on your first few dates with your mate? Don’t say I’m too tired, I have a headache or any other half-assed line. First off if the time is not right for you, and you choose not to create the moment, then tell the truth! Partners don’t take it personally, since it usually has nothing to do with you.

When I say create the moment, I am talking about your mind. If you think loving and sexual thoughts about your partner and what you are about to do the desire to actually do it is created within you. How many of you have been engaged in sexual intercourse and popped in a little fantasy in your head to put you over the edge. It works doesn’t it? You can do that before you even get started. If your mind is not very creative then think back to a sexual encounter that really turned you on and relive it in your mind.

So some of you may wonder at this point why I started out with definitions of Tantra. Me too! Overall, it does have to do with what I am writing. Sex should be enjoyed by worshiping one’s own body, and the body of their partner - it can take them to such high levels of pleasure that once you experience it you will want more and more! Hence creating the desire to be with your sexual partner even more than you did when you started dating or screwing around.

I have a room dedicated to sex and meditation. The stereo system has some awesome CD’s like The Karma Collection, Deepak Chopra’s music CD, Marilyn Manson, some jazzy house music and John Digweed. Music can set a mood so if I am interested in some B&D I will play something a bit harder, or the Karma Collection, which is all sorts of sexually oriented music for slow sexual play. Along with drawers full of toys, Sydnee Steele Wicked Essensual Elements adult toys, oils, powders, incense, whips, bondage sheets, a swing and probably much more.

Typically my partner and I will start by both taking a shower by ourselves. This allows us to clear our heads from the day and clean all our crevices so we can be secure that our bodies are clean so the mind doesn’t start worrying about cleanliness while your partner’s head is buried in your crotch. Did that make sense? Well, if it didn’t then you are probably the one who really needs to shower before sex! I am not saying one should shower before every sexual encounter that would make spontaneity a bit difficult. But before those long “Tantric” sessions it is a good idea to shower.

Then we shut the door to “the room” and begin. Sometimes I am the aggressor, and sometimes he is. We try and mix it up.

I will give you an account of the last time I was more aggressive. I blindfolded him, laid him on his stomach, and began to massage oils into his back, and then his arms and legs. In the process I used my tits and pussy to rub it in. The key was to give him different sensations, heightening the feeling and anticipation of what he would feel next. Then I allowed my fingers to slide past his balls as I rubbed the oil up and down his legs. This probably went on for 20 minutes, time doesn’t really exist when one is in the room - an hour can seem like minutes. Then I took a heavy whip and let it fall over his back softly again and again. Then when I knew he was primed and ready for me to touch his cock, I turned him over and took a feather with this edible dust I got in one of those Karma kits at the Adult store. I let the dust fall over his body and then started lightly weaving the feather all over his nipples and chest - running it down just past his cock, tapping it so the dust would drop onto his balls giving him a horny little chill. I then started to use my tongue, never letting any other part of my body touch him, just the tongue. I ran it around his nipples then up and down his cock ever so lightly, flicking the head of his cock and then swallowing him down to his balls. While I was doing this I positioned my body so his fingers could slide into my pussy. Then I let go of his cock so he could anticipate and think about my pussy sliding on top of him. I kneeled above his mouth and had him start licking my pussy. I was grinding all over his mouth and then cumming so he could lick me up. While my pussy was still throbbing from the orgasm, I slid it down onto his cock, but kept my body hovering above his so he could only feel my pussy sliding up and down on his throbbing delicious cock.

We went on with this for about two hours - I only know this because the CD’s are 60 minutes and we listened to 2 of them!

We worked at holding the others’ orgasm, keeping our bodies in a constant state of high arousal. Then when were ready, we were flying into star fields and waking with an orgasm that is truly like none I’d had before!

There is so much more to tell about the other side of what he does to me. It’s so delicious that I have decided to carry this a bit further and let my public in to my private life. I have set up a web cam on my web site www.sydneesteele.com <http://www.sydneesteele.com/> that will air its first show in July, giving you a taste of a delicious cock worshiping blowjob!

Take your sex life to another level! Take time to worship your body and that of your partner. Think positive thoughts, loving and fantasy-oriented. Or just clear your head and feel the touch of another! Shut out the world and let the games begin!

Sydnee Steele

It is possible to win by not cheating, lying or stealing. Or even by being a porn star with large breasts.

March 1, 2004 - Woke up at 6am, cleaned up, but unfortunately that is all I had time for. I couldn’t squeeze in one of my favorite leisurely past times, masturbating in the shower! Hot and warm water flickering against my clit and my fingers sliding in and out of my hole Yum! Instead I had business of a non-sexual nature on my mind, so I slipped on some conservative business-like clothes. Brown pinstriped trouser pants that sat on my hips and a tight turtleneck sweater (not slutty tight, just tight). I applied some coconut oil to my pulse points so that everyone in that musty court house would have flash pictures in their minds of beautiful tropical locations and hot girls in very little clothing when I walked past them.

I knew that if I were one minute late I would loose my case. I knew I had a great case and the pictures I had taken with my digital phone were awesome.

What was my case? My Plea of Not Guilty for running a stop sign. This story dates back to a beautiful sunny afternoon in November. I had the top down on my car, wind whipping through my hair at the 15 miles per hour I was traveling. Heading into territory that I had not dared drive my vehicle through before, and what to my surprise, I looked around and was in the middle of a 4 way stop. All senses turning on the warning signals I first felt warm, wanting to defend my beautiful automobile and myself. Whipping my head around fast to make sure I was not about to be struck by another vehicle, I saw that no one was around except for officer Dewey. I couldn’t just slam on my breaks in the middle of an intersection now could I? That just doesn’t seem safe. So I cautiously proceeded through and then immediately pulled over, for the red flashing lights behind me told me so. I pulled out my registration and insurance etc, had it waiting for him.

One of my friends has this awesome fantasy of being pulled over by an officer of the law. Having him walk up, ask if she knew how fast she was going… She looks up at him and says, “Yes officer I do. Do you want to know why I was speeding?” Yes Maam I do! “Because I have been watching you day after day sitting on the same corner just waiting for someone to break the law. Every night I would go home and fuck myself while thinking of you, officer. Well today I just couldn’t wait any longer.” She unbuttons her shirt, let’s spit slide out her mouth onto her nipple, and she starts to massage it while her other hand slips down her pants. She fingers herself and then puts her fingers in her mouth. “MMMM, I bet your cock tastes even better!” She wins - he whips it out she opens the car door and sits in the drivers seat sucking the cop off! He drops a load in her mouth and she happily heads home.

But this was actually not my fantasy nor what happened that day! What happened was he asked if I knew I ran a stop sign back there. My answer was “no Sir I did not until I was in the middle and intuition told me so. The sign was blocked by a box truck that was 4 feet away from the curb, and in the red. The stop sign was not visible unless you got into the intersection and looked back so see it.” He said, “Okay well let me check it out.” He went back to his car and started writing. Eric, my super hot passenger got out and took pictures with the cell phone for proof. He came back and gave me a ticket. I could believe it, not that it was right but it seems we live in a society that seems to be getting denser and denser, robot like. What has happened to the free-thinking, logical people? Come on does everyone live by the rules that common sense tells you sometimes need to be broken? I recommend turning your TV off just for say a day and try and live with your own mind and see what happens. Make your own choices; stop saying (I quote with a King off the Hill accent) “Well it’s the law.” I heard this one day when I was surfing down in San Onofre, this guy walks over and says “Ah Um Yeah would you Um put your dog on a leash.” My dog wasn’t bothering anyone. Sternly (in the King of the Hill) voice he finishes his past wimpy sentence with “IT’S THE LAW ya know!” We kindly said okay and ever since, we like to use the “uh IT’S THE LAW” line.

Okay back my original story, I signed for the ticket and said “Sorry, I would have given you a hell of a blow job if you had let me go!”

Well life went on Christmas came and went Valentines Day came and went then I looked at my to do board and started days of calling the court houses just to figure out where to go and how much it was. I will save you the time and move on. I found the courthouse went in to set my court date. They make it of course very difficult so people will just be like lazy sheep and pay the ticket no matter who was right or wrong. Yes, I thought about it many times but my principle was on the line. So I get up to the clerk and he thought I wanted a court date so I could just explain my case and still be guilty, like I don’t need to get the last word in that bad. I explained I was not guilty, get me a date. I pick March 1 2004. Thinking I was finished, I shut my bag turned around to go and he was like “miss, you have to pay.” “What do you mean I have to pay, pay for what the ticket? I am going to court because I am not guilty and I have to pay first?” Yes, so I paid the $140.00 dollars, he said they mail it back to you in 4 to 6 weeks if you win. With a cute and bewildered smile I gave him a credit card and left very happy.
Back to March 1 2004 after going through the security I found my courtroom. They filed us all in and did roll call at exactly 8:30 am. They explained what was to happen and then the judge explained it was very hard to win and that he was going to leave for a little while and if anyone has changed their minds and wants traffic school they could still opt for it. Damn scare tactics! Some sheep went and opted for traffic school. I was sitting with a strong feeling of my arresting officer’s eyes in the back of my head but I still sat strong. In the meantime I allowed my mind to wander to an older Stephanie Swift movie I had scene a picture of in AVN…It was a court movie and the picture had Stephanie in a business suit glasses on her leg up on the wood barrier between the jury and the judge etc. (I am not too familiar with court terms; this is my first time writing about it.) I had imagined I was in the scene and Stephanie was my judge, she found me not guilty and to show my gratitude, I climbed under her desk and tongue fucked her the rest of the day. Well the real story is the judge came back in and called a name and said, “the officer is dropping the charges you are free to go.” I thought damn; if my guy were smart he would do the same because he doesn’t have a chance in hell. Then the next name was called. “You are free to go.” Then, “Sydnee Steele, the officer has dropped the charges.” I jumped up yelled out a “yahoo,” stuck my tongue out at the officer and winked at the judge. So I check my mailbox every day for my $140.00 Dollars. I should take bets on how long it will really take for the Department of Motor Vehicles to get my money back…

Please I ask of everyone to go out and vote this year and actually pay attention to what the politicians are saying. I would recommend you go and check out what Senator Edward Kennedy had to say on CNN the eve of Friday the 5th of March. Our rights to freedom of speech and to be free are at risk. If you like your porn – and I know I do - then start standing up for it and every other freedom you have a right too. Clear Channel just took Howard Stern off, and other radio stations are becoming afraid to even mention the word sex or porn star. I am not kidding, this needs to change fast. I love my freedom, my porn, and my fans; don’t let them take it all away because we were too scared!

It's baggage, not porn!

Aren't most humans taught as children that nudity is BAD? Their own gift of life is bad, shameful, and embarrassing. The vagina is called a kitty, the penis is a wee wee. Well, that right there could lead to some of the inferiority complexes about size. The slang words for penis go on for about 20 pages and how about dick? Dick is also the nickname for Richard. That is punishment right there by any parent currently picking the name Richard for their little one.

So many children are left feeling ashamed and embarrassed about some of their body parts. They are made very aware at a young age that some of their body parts are "not okay" – don’t talk about them, don’t touch them. Fortunately as we reach our teens we somewhat realize this isn’t true. But then just when the fog starts to lift we are told that sex leads to pregnancy and disease.

FEAR.

Most parents, churches, and schools put FEAR – fear of Death, fear of religion, fear of what others will think, Fear of God, into young people.

That amazing feeling of sexual attraction…the body coming alive with excitement, the tingly feeling one gets when that special person touches them. They are told this is bad, that it isn’t right to be aroused. They say sex before marriage is a sin. Two consenting adults sharing their love without having to spend this entire lifetime together, eventually despising the very ground the other walks on after time, just because they were young and horny. Society says to get it on you better be married or plan on it.

We are in 2003 and these thoughts are a bit more relaxed, but it still seems that people are repeating the negatives that they were taught as a child. How many of you have had a so-called one night stand or just casual sex and when that morning sun shines in, your heart speeds up, the body tenses, your stomach knots up and you feel shameful, embarrassed and angry with yourself. Unless you have been dishonest and lying to someone, you should feel only satisfied and happy. If you forgot the protection then you should take the correct steps to make sure you haven’t contracted any disease before moving on to your next conquest. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem that most people can just be okay with sex when they are involved. Parents teach their children that sex is dirty and shameful, that a penis and vagina are private parts, and to not speak of them. Religion says one will go to Hell for sex out of wedlock. How about it being a sin under some religious institutions’ code for using a condom? Does anyone see any common sense in that or just control? Fear. I don’t find that a God who is all loving would have a problem with someone shrink wrapping their cock.
People have been sexually repressed for centuries, and this sexual repression can stay dormant inside of people for a long time, building and building, possibly causing anger in an individual.

Some realize that all they have been told is not always true. That sexuality is supposed to be a wonderful and glorious part of life. The human body was not designed to experience such pleasure as just a way to create a baby, was it? I think not. Much of this repressed anger has been channeled into the construction of distorted and misguided moral values in society. Could sexual embarrassment, repression, and shame cause sexual inhibition, dysfunction and violence?

Ask me again, do I think pornography causes sex crimes? No. But do I think our government, religious institutions, societal pressures, parental fantasies, and societal fantasies help cause them? Hmmmm. Maybe…

Love, Sydnee

9-2003

Sydnee Interviews Heidi Pike-Johnson

While waiting for my badge at Erotica L.A., I had the chance to glance out the window of the second floor onto the convention floor. I wondered about all of the fans and the press, what were they like when they weren't at the show or being a writer or a fan. I've run into so many people that do interviews with me or take pictures of me show after show, year after year. I laughed to myself as I realized I had no idea what they were like. I was the one doing all the talking. I always had a friendly smile for them, but never seemed to ask them. Do they have kids, husband, or a dog? Do they even like porn?
So on the writer and interviewer side of this story, I found the difficulty level of being the interviewer was much higher than originally perceived. I wanted to make sure that I kept her answers in her own words as much as possible, and not to misquote or misunderstand anything she said. Especially since everyone who has interviewed me so far has kept my words as close to mine as possible. Thank you all!

Sydnee: How did you find your way into the adult business?
Heidi: I was a live nude girl in downtown Seattle. It was at a peep show. I performed a lot with an ex-girlfriend of mine. We both did solo shows and we did girl/girl shows. After some time, I was getting burned out, too many people doing drugs around me. They had a porn store attached and when I quit, they asked if I was interested in working in the store selling tapes. I gave it a try and liked it but didn’t like the neighborhood I was working in and the hours I was getting off work at. From there, I ran a residential remodeling company’s office doing A/P, A/R, payroll and state and federal taxes plus some project management stuff. Then I met John Stagliano through a friend and he hired me to run his magazine. I had never done magazine work before but I knew I could do it. I was at Evil Angel for 3 years, and then went on to AVN, which I have been working at now for two and a half years.

Sydnee: So you created AVNInsider? How did you come up with it?
Heidi: Paul [Fishbein] wanted a site with a lot of different categories and had things that changed on it every day This seemed to lead to having a part of the site that gave talent a chance to say things about what is going on and what is important to them. I like AVNInsider a lot, and it seems to give the performers a bit more credit for who they are.

Sydnee: How did you name AVNInsider?
Heidi: It just rolled out of my mouth when it came time to get the domain name. I just spoke it out loud and it sounded good so….

Sydnee: What is your job description with AVN? It seems you have many...
Heidi: I write reviews, check in all the tapes and toys that come into AVN to be reviewed, and then match the tapes up to the reviewers. I do my best to make sure that the writers don’t end up with product that they don’t enjoy watching. I also take care of AVNInsider, which is a daily project. Plus I write stories for AVN which is a blast. I like doing retail stuff the best.

Sydnee: What is the most difficult part of your job?
Heidi: We all in editorial have a lot of demands on us, and we do a lot! Time management is imperative. Working smart, not just hard is something I really try to control in the way I spend my days.

Sydnee: When is your job most rewarding?
Heidi: You know…I just love porn. Getting to write that really good review for a creatively important video and helping retailers stock their stores with great product makes me feel really good about what I do.

Sydnee: How is it dealing with talent at conventions? Do you have any memorable experiences, positive or negative?
Heidi: I have had very few negative talent experiences. I respect porn performers and don't look down on them, which seems to help things flow well for me. I am sure it helps having done it, in a sense. I think the talent at shows are excited to see me because it means they can sit down and take a break while I interview them. Last year, one particular girl was so grateful to get away from the crowds - her company wasn't treating her well so she was grateful to get a chance to step away and breathe. I don't think most people realize that it is tough on talent during conventions - the smiling, the standing and the constant need to please as many people as possible while maintaining your boundaries.

Sydnee: Are there times when you find people kissing your ass because you work for AVN?
Heidi: Yep! It is so funny…. I understand why people do it and I know it’s just how it works. AVN’s reviews can make a real difference on a video’s final sales. A movie can have OK initial sales and then AVN gives it Editor’s Choice o and it shoots upwards. Most of the people are cool and I know who my real friends are but every once in a while someone comes along and looks at me and talks to me like I am a cash machine. This is all OK. It is how the business works. I don't let any of it go to my head because it isn't about me.

Sydnee: Have you ever met someone who didn't realize you worked for AVN and blew you off, then hightailed it back later, tail between their legs?
Heidi: I was on the set of Chunky on the Fourth of July, which is a big, curvy, natural girls-style show. No one told the camera guy who I was, and he was trying to get me to masturbate for the camera, and I was like, "no thanks, not right now." Then he asked to see my breasts. The director was laughing and not saying a word. Once the cameraman figured out I was not talent but press, he was mortified. He was like, "I thought AVN would send some guy, not a pretty girl!" People are still giving him a hard time for that one.

Sydnee: When people in your personal life find out that you work for the largest adult industry magazine what sort of responses do you receive?
Heidi: Some appreciate it and think it is very cool. I don't look like the stereotypical person who watches a porn tape a day so I think that helps change people’s interpretation of the adult business. There are some people that haven't been so nice and it is disappointing.

Sydnee: Does being in the sex business ever seem to get in the way of your relationships?
Heidi: No, it doesn’t really jade me. It hasn't changed my desire for the people in my life and it has only made my life better, honestly.

Sydnee: What is your favorite type of film to watch?
Heidi: I am one of those people who can watch Skeeter Kerkove, Michael Raven, Brad Armstrong and Mason shows and like them all. If it is good, I love it and if it is bad, it hurts my head. Some months I am giving Editor’s Choice to a gonzo, and then the next month, it's a couples movie. I like good, powerful sex and that comes in different packages sometimes.

Sydnee: Where does the Pike come from in your name?
Heidi: Pike is my birth name. I was born Heidi Joy Pike. People think it is a feminist thing, the name thing, but I really just don't want to give up my first part of my life.

Sydnee: What do you look for most when you review a movie?
Heidi: Beautiful, hot sex where people mean what they are doing.

Sydnee: Have you ever regretted a review you have given?
Heidi: No, because I only take things I really want to see. I am not sorry for calling a movie on its bullshit when it doesn't deliver what it promised. I used to read AVN religiously when I worked in the video store. I think it is important to let people know the truth about a movie.

Sydnee: What is the best part, with reference to AVNInsider, in giving talent the forum to speak their minds?
Heidi: People tend to lump porn stars in a pile. Because you all have sex on camera, people believe you all have the same experiences. I like for readers to see how different you all are because it’s something I have really enjoyed experiencing in my time here.

Sydnee: What is the highlight of visiting an adult set?
Heidi: Getting to see the making of it and then watching the final video.

Sydnee: Anything people should know about the great things you have done for the adult industry?
Heidi: You flatter me, Sydnee…I just write what I do and try to be cool with the people I deal with. Honestly, I just am very lucky to write about what I love, and I feel very blessed. I hope that this comes across in what I do in my life.

Thank you Heidi for taking the time out - this was a lot of fun for me, and I have a much larger respect for those of you behind the scenes. Covering the porn world can be time consuming, but it's also very important to keep your subject in the proper light.

Love,
Sydnee

Most of you will be surprised at how inexpensive and easy this is to set up. Finding the right performer? Take a look at your market - who do you think will appeal most to them? If you aren’t sure make up a 3x5 card and do a survey: list four performers and have customers check off who they may want to meet. This is also a great chance to get their email and other info to help you stay up with what your customers want stocked in your store. You may want to make sure the performers you list do make appearances before you put them on a card.

How do you contact a performer? You can go about this a few ways. If you are looking to book a girl under contract to a company, you would contact that production company and talk with someone in the P.R. department or sales department. They in turn can contact the performer to start setting up the appearance. Also, a lot of the girls have dance agents who can contact the performer for you. You can find phone numbers and listings in Exotic Dancer Magazine along with any other trade magazines. AVN and AVN.com may also direct you to where you need to go. You can also check to see if the star you are looking for has a web site and e-mail. One disadvantage to e-mail is that some people never receive the mail, or get too much to run through it all. Along with fan mail sometimes it just gets missed, so if you try the mail route to get a hold of the star you are looking for don’t take it personally if they don’t respond!

Once all the terms, money, and transportation are agreed upon what do you do now to make it a success for your store and the star? First off, make sure you have both communicated all the details. Details include, can the star sell polaroids? Are they to be topless, nude or clothed? Do they have a helper, someone to sit by them and take the polaroids and help watch peoples’ conduct? Find out what different lines of product the star has endorsed. Should you stock some of their erotic novelties? I have found stars can help you sell their toy lines, movies, etc.. Make sure you have enough - it isn’t often people get the chance to pick up an autographed movie or toy.

Advertising - some stores even get in touch with local radio stations and set the star up as a guest appearance on one of the shows and sometimes even have them come out and do remotes from the retail location. This helps get the bodies through the door in addition to free advertising if the star goes on the show for an interview. I have had stations keep me on air for over an hour. All the while I’m answering their questions and plugging my appearance at the store.

Personalities - just because we are all porn stars doesn’t mean we are all alike. If you have had any problems, or didn’t get along well with someone, don’t chalk it up to “it benefited my store but it was such an ordeal I don’t want to do it again.” Get on the phone with the performer and talk to them to see if on the first phone meeting you may work better with them than the last person to visit.

One way to help keep your star in good spirits is to put them up in a comfortable hotel. Most of us travel a lot and take time away from our family and homes. So pick a nice, clean hotel with room service and a gym. You may think, “I am paying them a lot of money, so I’m going to save a few bucks on the hotel.” Don’t do it! They will most likely appreciate the comfort you have given them and will be much happier, and in return they’ll treat your customers and employees with even more enthusiasm.

In November I was making an appearance at Carolina Video in Wilmington, North Carolina and they did it right. Jim, the manager of the store, contacted Wicked to set me up with an appearance at his store and made sure to give himself plenty of time to advertise. . He set up a big tent, brought in an RV so when I took a break I had a place to go away from the fans. And he had plenty of my videos to sell. He even had a radio station come in and do a live remote from the tent, complete with hot wings and beer. The only disadvantage to the beer is people hung out a little too long! Making it difficult for the people who were arriving to get a chance to look through the titles and get an autograph or picture.

I think everyone in the town of Wilmington and the surrounding area dropped by! I was pleased with the amount of women and couples that dropped by. I would bet that they’ve increased their business because now new people know where they are located and it put a “buzz” around town: “Hey I got my picture taken with Sydnee Steele at Carolina Video!”

I would like to also thank Jim; he went above and beyond his call of duty. Wilmington is on the Carolina coast so I decided to stay another day and check out the town. He covered my room for the extra night, took my party and me to dinner and had a friend take us four-wheeling on the beach. This was just a bonus and great southern hospitality! Thanks Jim!

I hope this helps a bit if you are entertaining the idea of having a star visit your store.

Hope to see you and have a great 2003!

Love,

Sydnee Steele

1-2003

Porn Tricks!

Ready for some sensual advice from a professional?

How Do I Get A Perfectly Shaved Pussy? (Guys, this also works on the twig and berries).

Tools: Skintimate Shave Lotion
Gillette Sensor Razor
Bikini Zone

Start out by taking a warm shower. I like to wash my hair and face first then apply conditioner and leave it on while I shave. Once you are ready to shave, step back from the running water, and leave the water running so you stay warm, (as goose bumps won’t help in getting a nice knick free shave). Apply the shave lotion all over your pussy and bikini line. Put one leg up on the edge of the tub or in a shower that is clean, sit down, and spread your legs Indian style. I start at the top and side of the bush first, and then down to the delicate lip area, pull the lip down gently to stretch the skin and follow the finger with the razor once I’ve completed the rinse.

For those of you with a shower massager feel free to put the stream on pulse, let it hit your freshly shaved pussy, and have yourself a merry little orgasm. If you happen to have any shaving bumps put the Bikini Zone on after you have toweled off, and those bumps should disappear.

Trimming The Bush!

Tools: Small battery operated or electric razor with 1/4 inch guard.

Turn on the shaver with the 1/4-inch guard securely attached. Run it over any long hair on the pussy or the mustache above the cock. These little razors work well for any part of the body. Guys who like the short body hair look, feel free to run it all over your body. Your girl will probably love your new haircut so much she won’t be able to take her hands off you.

Keeping The Love Canal Sweet

Tools: Tea Tree suppositories (Available at health food stores)
12oz bottle of water with sport top.
Organic tampons
Toy Cleaner or rubbing alcohol
Sea sponge
Lube

Note: Please stop using any kind of tampon that is not organic or pure cotton. A sea sponge may also be used, (I will explain sea sponges a little later). Most tampons that don’t have Natural or Organic on the package have chemicals in them that don’t need to be there and are dangerous for your body.

Now the12oz water with sport cap, this can be used to clean the canal after Satin (your period!) has left. I’m sure most of you say, why not a douche, this is okay but consider this: The sport top is put just at the opening of the vagina and then you squeeze the water up into you and you don’t receive any of the chemicals or vinegar that doesn’t need to be inside your body. The sport bottle is readily available and better than a reusable douche since it is only used once.

Tea tree suppositories can be used any time you aren't feeling as fresh as you would like or fear an army of yeast soldiers are growing. Just slip one of these in and you will be herbally fresh in hours, these will also help keep the soldier count down.

Has Satin arrived just in time for a romantic evening? Don’t let him take away from the fun. Put a little lube on a sea sponge and slip it in. This will block the flow so no one gets Red wings. Warning! The sponge has no string and can be very hard to remove. Do not use this trick if you are unsure of digging around inside yourself trying to retrieve the little guy. Remember, insertion of fingers or cock or whatever you can imagine pushes it deeper in you!

And of course, don’t forget after using a Sydnee Steele Wicked Essensual Elements vibrator to clean it well!

Wishing everyone a Peaceful and Happy New Year!

Sydnee

9-2002

Sydnee Steele Presents:
The Pornographer's Dictionary.

Commercial Scene- Sex scene.
Girlie Stuff - Douche or enema before a scene.
Money Shot - Cum shot.
Pop Shot - Cumshot.
Facial - Cum on the face.
Glaze the Face - Cum on the face.
See Light - Hand held light for close ups of the action.
Missionary - Man on top, girl on bottom.
Doggie - Girl on hands and knees, guy saddles up behind.
Reverse cowgirl - Girl on top, facing away from guy.
Cowgirl - Girl on top, facing guy.
Sit and Spin - Girl starts out in cowgirl or reverse and ends up in the opposite position without taking the cock out.
FIP - Fake Internal Pop.
Pearl Necklace - Cum on the chest area.
ATM - Ass to mouth.
Soft Coverage - No penetration shown for the softcore version of the movie.
A - Anal, anal sex scene.
The "List" - A performers’ list of talent that they'll have sex with.
Stunt Cock - Another male performer standing in for the penetration shots when the original guy can’t keep it up or cum.
Wood - Hard cock.
Hold for Stills - Freeze in sex position so photographers can do production stills.
DP – One dick in the pussy, and one in the ass.
Sport Fucking - Just what it says – sex just for the sport of it.
Suitcase Pimp - A performer’s partner who doesn't work.
Lick and Stick - Pull cock out of pussy and suck on it, then put it back in.
T bag - dipping the balls in the girl's mouth.
Rim Job – Lickin’ the asshole.
Tossin’ the Salad – assplay, lick, tongue fuck etc.
Meat curtains - Lots of labia!
Open Up For Camera - Lifting a leg or other part of the body so the action can be seen.
Spooning – Guy saddles up behind the girl in a curved position on their sides.
Wheelbarrow - Guy stands, picks girls’ feet up while she stands on her hands.
Gay for Pay - Having sex with the same sex just for the money.
Cunnilingus - Yes please!
Fellatio - Suck the cock, yes please!
Pile Driver - Girl has everything in the air, almost like a handstand but the head and shoulders are on the ground, as the guy stands above.
Baggy – Condom.
69 - Figure it out!
Daisy Chain - A whole lot of people all in a circle doing oral on one another, typically one on hands and knees one laying down.
Gangbang - Typically one girl and a whole lot of guys.
Jizz – Cum.
Jizz Biz – The pornography business.
Smut Peddler - people behind the scenes of porn.
Spankin’ it – Masturbating.

I imagine I have missed some or a few thousand terms but this should offer you a bit of easy reading and some fun.

Keep spankin it! Don't be afraid of growing hair on your palms from too much spankin’ - you can always have it lasered off!

Sydnee Steele

8-2002

Erotica

Her soft voice and warm breath whisper in your ear of how much she longs to have you…

I take your hand and slide it from my hard nipple slowly down my stomach, past my soft patch of hair and to my sweet pussy lips, which are already moist. Your finger slides slowly in…I gasp in pure pleasure and my breathing begins to quicken.

I slide your zipper down, finding myself getting more excited with each click it makes…

I can’t wait – I drop to my knees in front of you, and look up into your eyes as I slowly take the head of your cock into my mouth and my hand slides in and out of my pussy. My mouth slides down your cock, and you can feel my tongue sliding around as my mouth moves up and down, my fingers tickling your balls.

I work your cock until it’s hard and ready to cum in my face. Yes, I want to taste your cum and have it spill from my lips – but not yet. I want you to bend me over and slide your cock into my wet pussy…

You’re working your cock so deep inside me that I’m begging you to go deeper and harder. I want to cum all over your cock. I can’t control myself any longer – I start grinding my pussy up and down on you. I’m getting tighter and tighter as you watch my ass up in the air, your cock sliding in and out of me. I can’t hold on any longer – I’m cumming, and you can feel every throb of my orgasm on your cock.

I slide off your cock, cleaning my cum off of it and begging you to please cum in my mouth. Let me swallow every drop of it and then lick you clean. My hands and mouth are sliding up and down, back and forth on your cock as it throbs with pleasure. I’m moaning as it slides down my throat. Pulling my head back, I open my mouth and jack your cum into it, licking and sucking it all up.

I can’t wait to see what we do next…

Sydnee Steele

6-2002

"Why Am I Still Amazed?"

Why am I still amazed at couples that withhold sex to try and get something from their partner, or to get their partner to do something?

I personally don’t understand this. I see it as not only denying your partner pleasure, but yourself also!

Recently, I heard a woman call into a radio show and proceed to brag about how she would not have sex with her husband until they won tickets to a concert that the radio station was giving away. When the DJ asked her how long it had been, she proudly said it had been three weeks, and that she wasn’t giving in until they won.

Can you imagine her surprise if she actually won? I bet she’d be scrambling for a new excuse to not have sex. Is sex so awful for this woman that she has to come up with excuses not to have it? Does she not like her husband? Is she not attracted to him? Has she not learned to orgasm during sex with him?

I’m sure situations like this one have been analyzed a thousand times over, so I won’t dig any deeper into the reasons why. I just find the whole thought process behind this woman to be outrageous, and I want to say I hope she finds help – and gets horny for her husband again!

In the meantime, I can only say to him: keep your hands strong, and stay stocked up on good lube and Wicked porn. Good luck!

Sydnee Steele

5-2002

In Defense Of Free Speech: Sydnee Steele On Lobbying & Political Action For Adult Entertainment Professionals

When I woke up for Free Speech lobbying training, I wasn’t all that thrilled to be going to a class at that time of the morning. I dressed conservatively because I wasn’t sure what I was in for, but once I got there and Kat Sunlove started talking about what we’d be doing, I was very interested. It was exciting to see that you could actually go up to Sacramento and fight a bill that threatens free speech, rather than just accepting every new law that’s put into effect. Also, it was good to see Kat again since I’d known her for about five years before I got in the business. I had a great time at the training.

Once we’d actually flown up to Sacramento, we had another day of meetings, in which they put us into teams. My team captain was AVN ’s Mark Kernes, and I was very, very happy about that. He’s a nice, unassuming person whose opinions you naturally want to listen to. With him as our leader, we sat around the table and discussed the bills we wanted to fight. That night, we had a party and we invited a lot of people from the Capitol. We had a great turnout.

The next morning, our groups met on the front lawn of the Capitol, and we had our pictures taken. At that point, Kat gave another speech, and from there it was time to actually move on into the Capitol and start meeting with politicians and their aides.

Security at the Capitol was an interesting experience. A couple of the security guys came up to me saying, "Hey, Sydnee! Sydnee!" and they’d want a picture with me – it was interesting that they just happened to have a camera ready! It was obvious that they knew that this was the day they might catch a porn star in town.

The morning went great – we saw everyone that we’d had appointments with. Interestingly, we learned around 11:30 am, just before lunch that the bill we’d gone to fight had been thrown out. Still, we had a presence there, and we still went ahead and made all our visits, just so the people up there would know that when it comes to adult-oriented issues, we will actually show up and fight for freedom.

At one point during the day, a politician acted like he didn’t know who I was during our meeting, but as I was leaving, he gave me that look of "right on – keep it up!" and a nice, firm handshake! It was obvious he knew me. Mike Horner, who goes ever year, had said that they’d do that – During the meeting, they’d be all business, but once it’s over, they’ll chase you down in the hallway to chat.

It was interesting that most of the aides we met with were really on our side – they were actually for us and our industry. They were fighting from the inside, and trying to open up the minds of the politicians themselves. For example, one aide’s boss thinks adult encourages crime between husbands and wives, but her aide is trying to convince her that it doesn’t, that it actually helps people. Also, because our bill had been thrown out, we had chances to talk to the aides about other subjects. The trick is to look for something in common with the people you’re meeting with, so you’ll keep their interest, and they’ll get more personal with you. You want them to remember you’re a normal human being as well as a porn star.

That’s why I think it’s important for talent to go. They put a personal face on the process. I look at Nina Hartley and she’s faithful to this cause; she goes every year. Mike Horner is faithful to it. This helps those on the political side see that we’re real – we’re as normal as people get.

That’s the biggest point I can make – that it’s important for talent to go. Even if you’re someone who doesn’t have a lot to say about it, you’re working as a group and everyone can speak up about what’s important to them.

Sydnee Steele

4-2002

When I was first asked to write a column for AVNInsider, it was suggested that I start by writing about a video that I had seen. I was happy to do it, and it made me think about all the aspects of reviewing a movie that go along with being a writer/critic. It left me thinking, "Who am I to tell the world what’s good or bad about this movie?"

For example, I prefer brunettes over blondes when it comes to watching a sex scene on camera. I love getting off to close-ups of a big cock pounding some hottie with a nice tight body and a sweet looking ass or pussy. Being talent myself, I understand everyone likes something different – they may like big-titted, large-assed redheads!

This left me thinking about how influential one individual’s opinion can be. For example, a model could be trying to get into a large magazine like Penthouse, and the photographer might suggest getting a tan, a boob job, dropping 20 pounds, and soon, she might be convinced she needs all of the above. When she meets another photographer, she’s told the soft, natural body is just what they need, I love your pale skin, and natural boobs are in! But you just need to soften your face and get rhinoplasty (a nose job) and I will shoot you. The model is left feeling insecure, confused and possibly suffering with an inferiority complex that is worse than the one she may already have had. All humans are looking for approval from others. If only they would just look at the beauty they have, and accept that not everyone is going to resemble or be turned on by the same things.

If you stop and think about it, the things that were told to this person are someone else’s reality of what sells and what is beautiful. And it can be the same thing a critic does when he or she reviews a movie.

So, to all the great people who perform and model, and to the critics that watch what you do and say positive or negative things about your performance, remember we are all human and much the same. No one is going to like everything about you. But if you do your best, and love yourself, the acceptance will follow. And to the critics and reviewers, thanks for looking at a movie and giving it an honest opinion. And those of you reading the review, remember it is one person’s honest opinion about what they like, and hopefully you will like, about the energy and effect of erotica.

Try to remember that what we do as an industry of adult entertainers is just that – entertainment, so don’t take it all too seriously or personally. Just enjoy it and respect that it can help a repressed couple’s sex life, and help people open up and tap into their own sexuality. Because we tend to live in a sexually repressed society, we who work in our industry deserve credit for stepping out and standing up for one of the most beautiful things we can share with one another – sex and friendship.

Thanks to all who have reviewed one of my movies and gave it 4 A’s or 1 A – I know that’s what you believed it deserved. And to all the people behind, and in front, of the camera – don’t forget who you are, and the beauty you bring to peoples’ lonely or repressed existences.

Sweet Dreams,

Sydnee Steele

3-2002

Aussie-isms

I arrive at LAX at 7:00 pm. Loading up my two 50 pound bags on a cart, I’m pulling my Wicked carry-on and massive purse searching for the United Airlines ticket counter when I realize I’m at Terminal 6, not 7! I begin to sweat, even more profusely once I’m told that Terminal 7 is on the other side of the airport! How the hell am I going to get these massive bags and myself to the other end of the airport in time? To save you a lot of wasted reading time and to allow you to develop your own picture of me dragging my ass to the other side of LAX, I’ll skip ahead to what I found at Terminal 7: Devinn Lane, Wicked’s Steve Vlottes, and Risque Business’ Dminion at the ticked counter, all looking very pissed off! Luckily, they informed me that we didn’t have seats together and that we’d all be stuffed into cramped middle seats. This info left me with a very pissed off look on my face, allowing me to fit in with the rest of my group! But as good fortune would have it, we end up getting moved together and having a great flight to Australia. Okay, not exactly great but after a few cocktails Devinn and I thought it was just fine!

So as not to entertain you any further with a minute-by-minute "diary" I will get to the point of this story: Anyone can be in Sydney, but not in Sydnee! Let me fill you in with a few Australia-isms we learned along the way: While Down Under, don’t be surprised when you sit in the Women’s Room toilet seat and see ads behind the stall door. My favorite was "Relax, breathe deeply. See, it works!" This was an ad for Deo-Comp, which I assume is for people with constipation. This brings me to the way Australians spell diarrhea, which in Aussie form appears to be diorreah as I also saw this in print. It can get confusing because Australia is a little like America and many things are alike, like money being called "dollars," foods being similar, and the fact that Australians supposedly speak English! At this point I decided to bring Devinn and Dminion in on my confusion. The result is what we like to call Aussie-isms. Examples? Well, as we tend to say in the states "going to take a crap" or "dropping the kids off at the pool," Aussies say "done like a dog’s dinner," "straining the spuds," or "splashing the boots." If talking about peeing makes you thirsty, you can say "I’m as dry as a dead dingo’s donga." If you want a buzz with that drink, ask for a champers (champagne), or a vody (vodka). And there’s always Devinn’s and my favorite, Bundy and Diet Coke (Bundaberg Rum).

If after all that you’re pissed as a fart (very drunk) or you’re one of those known as a piker (a non-drinker) and have decided to take a breakkie (break) maybe you should put on your sunnies (sunglasses) and head out to Rottenest Island to tan your bum (butt) and enjoy a day of Quakka footy (a Quakka Football is a little rat-like kangaroo that only lives on this island, see picture).

Last of all, if you look dickkie (dumb) you may be lucky enough to celebrate a hen’s (ladies) night out, and you may receive cheeky (nice) gifts from girlfriends and be fortunate enough to get nekkid (naked) and Nibble Nobby’s Nuts (the ad campaign for peanuts made by Nobby’s). And don’t forget your Stubby holder (for keeping your drinks cold).

Our lesson learned, and new motto is: don’t think that just because you’re visiting a country that speaks "English," you’ll be able to understand.

Sydnee Steele

Sydnee Steele